Quoting Graeme Bacque <[log in to unmask]>:

> Seems to me that properly supporting single-parent families so they can
> give their kids a decent start would be the intelligent, compassionate
> course of action. But society still clings to this medieval, 'scarlet
> letter' mindset about households with kids that don't have a  male
> parent (which is usually the case for single-parent families) in residence.
>
> So instead of imposing draconian 'ASBO' orders on troubled kids, the
> U.K. (and governments everywhere) needs to be ensuring that their home
> environment is one that can give them a decent start at life - which
> means ensuring that single parents are properly supported.

I tried making this argument to a room full of sociology, economics, and
political science grad students at Harvard last year in a multidisciplinary
seminar on inequality and social policy. I emphasized that Sweden has lots of
single mothers, but the lowest child poverty rates and some of the best health
outcomes. And it's because of policies like universal child care, health care,
and decent incomes resulting from collective bargaining agreements. You should
have seen the glares I received. No real counter-arguments. Just glares.

I do like John's argument about striking a balance between selfish and selfless
instincts, as a way to build and preserve strong relationships. And I do
believe in loyalty and trying to make relationships work rather than splitting
on a whim. But, the sad truth is that sometimes people grow apart and if we
really care about the other person, we might have to let them go and be
themselves. We cannot view each other as property. There's also the fact that
many relationships historically have been founded on economic dependence -
namely, dependence of the woman on the man because the woman had no other
choice. But if we support individual citizens with, say, a guaranteed annual
income, then we can be sure that people are not staying in bad (sometimes
abusive) relationships simply for the money. The marriages that do form and
last in that context may be founded truly on love.

Finally, having children does complicate the picture. But research also shows
that the biggest problem is parental conflict, not divorce per se. Children of
parents who divorce often have better long run outcomes than children of
parents who stay together but fight a lot. And it's certainly better for the
parents' health to go their separate ways and get on with their lives if they
cannot resolve their conflict. So if, for whatever reason, the couple can't
strike the selfish/selfless balance, it may be better for all concerned to
split - and hope that society provides the appropriate support... (It's also
worth noting that a good portion of poor single mothers in the US are single
because their partner or ex-partner was thrown in jail - often for minor drug
offences - but that's for another debate).

Jeff

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