David:

Right off the top of my head, your inquiry reminds
me of the piece in Letters From the Earth entitled,
"From an Unfinished Burlesque of Books on Etiquette."
But that deals with how to behave at a funeral...the last
line of which is vintage -- "Do not bring your dog."

May or may not be what your after.  I'll keep looking.

Best regards,
Roger Durrett