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Verhulst <[log in to unmask]>
Tue, 9 Apr 2024 13:11:59 -0400
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The name of the file is "Foxworthy" so I assume that it came from Jeff 
(I have not been able to confirm this). The date on the file is 2006. I 
admit to answering 'yes' to most of the below (certainly the first and 
last entries).

Tony Verhulst

You just MIGHT be a Twainiac if:

You've tried twice in your life to get through _Joan of Arc_.

You keep ordering Scotch when you really want a beer.

You spell "civilize" with an "s."

Every year, you pull for Hal Holbrook to get nominated for a special 
lifetime Tony award.

Every time someone brings up the creation story from _Genesis_, you 
interject, "You know what Eve was thinking right then ..."

You know the number to the Best Western in Hannibal.

You know how to get to Hannibal.

You can't wait until your hair turns white. (Yes, Michael. This means you.)

You never attempt to find a motive in a narrative because you fear you 
will be prosecuted.

You decline to find a moral in it because you would be banished

You refuse to attempt to find a plot in it so you don't get shot.

You actually pretend to know the difference between the "Missouri negro 
dialect" and the "extremest form of the backwoods South-Western dialect."

You are allergic to cats, but you get one anyway.

In response to claims that Mark Twain said (FILL IN WITTY REMARK HERE), 
you find yourself frequently saying, "No, actually Twain never said 
that. That was probably (FILL IN LESS TALENTED WITTICIST HERE). If Twain 
had said that, I would have read it somewhere."

You own at least three different editions of _Adventures of Huckleberry 
Finn_, and can discuss the merits and demerits of each.

You find yourself crossing out the "The" before _Adventures of 
Huckleberry Finn_ in newspaper articles.

You can name an American president who was born the same year that Huck 
Finn came out in its first US edition.

You know the difference between the dates of the first US and British 
printings of Huck.

You lie awake at night wondering what a Paige Typesetting Machine 
actually looked like.

You consider _What is Man?_ the last, long-lost dialogue of Plato.

_1601_ actually gets you somewhat aroused.

You know when Haley's Comet will return.

Your face turns red, your temples throb and your brow furrows when 
people say to you, "Hey, you study Twain. Did you read that article in 
_Harper's_ by Jane Smiley where she ...?"

You name your daughter Susie.

You can explain how subscription bookselling worked.

You know that the same publishing family that ruined and almost folded 
_Harper's_ magazine in the 1970s also shut down the _Buffalo Express_.

You feel like the Mysterious Stranger is a friend of yours.

You have outlined a yet-to-be-written novel that you describe to friends 
as "sort of a modern-day Connecticut Yankee story."

You feel like running away a lot.

You refuse to talk to people who value the works of James Fenimore 
Cooper or Sir Walter Scott.

You spend more than $200 on a set of his complete works in facsimile 
edition (available through mail order or at a book store near you) you 
just MIGHT be a Twainiac.