Well, let's see...

Sam never could teach Orion to be a success at  much of anything.

He never taught his mother to spell, or to be  consistent on her choice of
writing paper.

He never taught brother Henry to  lie.

He couldn't seem to teach John T. Raymond how to  properly portray Colonel
Mayberry Sellers in the Gilded Age stage  play.

And he couldn't seem to teach wet-nurse No. 5 to  stay out of his beer
supply.

On the other hand, Sam did teach some of his pet  cats a few tricks, the
ones
he took to Quarles' farm every summer as a boy.

He sure taught Pilot  Brown a lesson--never to call his brother a liar.

He taught his  father-in-law that a man doesn't need formal character
references to marry his  daughter.

He taught his lecture agent, James Redpath, the  power of persistence, and
the truism that once a lecturer, always a  lecturer.

He taught Dan De Quille (William Wright) how to  write a successful book
(The
Big Bonanza).

With a smartly  applied switch, he taught Susy not to throw tantrums.

He did teach his  daughters to remember famous dates and persons.

And most important,  Sam did teach Livy to have a beer every evening.

David H Fears