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From:
Scott Holmes <[log in to unmask]>
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Mark Twain Forum <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Sat, 11 Apr 2015 10:19:46 -0700
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Barbara Schmidt kindly provided me with a copy from the Boston Herald
Supplement, November 13, 1884. This is my transcription of the PDF:

Boston Herald Supplement
Boston, Thursday, November 13, 1884

STRANGE REVELATIONS.

Suspicious Conduct of Some Noted People.

Statements Which May or May Not Hint at Crime.

Messrs. Twain and Cable Have an Experience.

The journalist's experiences are always interesting, frequently
exciting, and sometimes sad.  There are times when he is called upon to
tell more than he knows, and there are others when he knows more than he
tells.  This is one of those times.  Duty cannot always be avoided
successfully, and so no attempt will be made in the present case, the
chances being that any such attempt would be found out.  Let it be
understood distinctly that it is a sense of duty to the public and not
any desire to injure the fair fame of any individual that leads to these
revelations.  The writer called upon Mr. Samuel L. Clemens yesterday to
learn what probabilities were in regard to Mark Twain's appearance at
Music Hall this evening.  To be entirely frank, he was led to do so from
a desire to benefit Mark Twain and Mr. Cable by giving them some
publicity in the HERALD columns, so that they would surely receive
sufficient patronage this evening at Music Hall to put them in funds to
pursue their tour.  The desirability of a speedy departure was felt more
than ever after interviewing the bell boy during the passage from the
office of the Parker House to the rooms occupied by the distinguished
guests.  The boy was not encouraged to open a conversation, but his love
for this species prompted him to say, in a sort of friendly way, just
before arriving at the room door, “Yer'd better look out for them
fellers; they tried to drown a poor crazy woman yesterday.”  Saying
this, he vanished as the door opened and disclosed Mr. Clemens in
matinee attire, seated in the centre of a room which was evidently
arranged more for convenience and economy of time than for any high art
effects.

It May Have Been the Boy's 

words that prejudiced the writer, but there was certainly an appearance
of surprise and an effort to assume a calm appearance as the profession
of the writer was made known to Mr. Clemens.  There was also a studied
deliberation in the replies made, which further aroused the writer's
suspicions, and the attempt made by the noted author to throw the
conversation upon the subject of programmes gave apparently further
evidence of his desire to dissemble.  The form of a woman struggling in
the arms of his vis-a-vis arose continually before the journalist's
vision, and at last, almost involuntarily, the question forced an
utterance, and the writer bluntly queried:

“Who was it you tried to drown yesterday?”

A smile gradually appeared on Mr. Clemens' face, this slowly developed
into a still more beaming expression, and, finally, so far as laughter
would permit, Mr. Clemens called out, “I say, Mr. Cable, here is a
gentleman who wants to know whom we tried to drown yesterday.”

At these words Mr. Cable appeared in the doorway of an adjoining room,
evidently not at all at ease, and his agitation was still more apparent
as he replied with the query:

“We?”

“Yes, you and I:  we are accused of drowning, or trying to drown a woman
yesterday.  Now, Cable, you [are I] was right, you really ought to
conduct yourself with more propriety right here in Boston, for the
people here are [curious].”

“My dear Clemens, you know I told you, when we started on this tour,
that I would do all I could to help you along, and I am still willing to
do so, but when it comes to assuming the responsibility for all your
attempts at drowning women, I draw the line.”

“All?” queried Mr. Clemens. “I only thought one was spoken of.”

“I simply used the word all,” replied Mr. Cable, “to include the future.
You have begun.  What's to hinder your continuing, and we have only been
away from home a week.”

Seeing that there was an apparent 

Difference of Opinion 

between the two gentlemen, and a disinclination to assume any
responsibility for the alleged crime, a request was made that each make
an uninterrupted statement regarding the events of the preceding day.
Mr. Clemens complied as follows:

“I [???} with some surprise that my friend Cable is unwilling to admit
the facts in the case, and I wish it understood that what I state here
is to be confined exclusively to the readers of the HERALD and those
they may tell about it.  This is a matter with which the general public
has nothing to do.  I was in hopes that the narration of the story would
never be demanded of me, but, since it is asked, I cannot refuse.  My
duty is, first—well, that is not to the point, and, if there is one
thing I cannot tolerate, it is the habit of wandering from the subject
matter.  I study to avoid this fault because it consumes time so
uselessly, and then it is annoying, very annoying, at times, and”--

“See here, Clemens,” called out Mr. Cable, “that invitation to lunch was
at 1 o'clock, and you will not get your woman to the water by that time
if you meander about in that sort of way.”

“You see,” said Mr. Clemens, turning to the writer,  “he cannot let me
tell this story in my own way; if he would, I could clear him from every
sign of suspicion, but he will not allow me to do it.”.

Finding it somewhat unsatisfactory work trying to get at the facts from
Mr. Clemens, a request was made for a statement by Mr. Cable, which was
replied to by a suggestion that the bell boy be asked to give his 

Authority for the Information 

which had caused all this inquiry, the origin of the suspicions of the
writer having been inadvertently made known in the course of the
conversation.  The bell boy could not be found.  The above concise
statement of facts gives all the details necessary to form a conclusion
regarding the suspicions aroused by the utterances of the ubiquitous
bell boy, but fortunately another member of the city staff of the HERALD
was an eye-witness of the scene which unquestionably gave rise to the
bell boy's charges.  His testimony is, therefore, appended.

“I was just driving in from the track; been exercising Dolly, you know
(all the city staff of the HERALD keep a trotter to wile away their
leisure), when down at the end of the water front side of Beacon street
I saw two men following a poor, bedraggled woman in a very suspicious
way.  The poor creature could hardly stand, and yet the men simply
watched her, neither offering her an arm.  I pulled up and gave Dolly a
walk in order to see what was up.  One of the men had on a loose flannel
coat and looked very suspicious, the other I immediately recognized as
Mark Twain.  The fellow in the flannel coat, seeing he was watched,
skulked off on a side street in a hurry, but Mark Twain stuck to the
woman with such an air of determination that I began too [sic] feel
alarmed.  Presently back drove the man in a flannel coat in a close
carriage with all the curtains drawn down, and when opposite the twain—I
mean Mark and the woman—he stopped, and then a struggle ensued with the
woman to force her into the carriage.”  “Police?” did you say? No, not a
policeman within gunshot, and though everybody appeared shocked at the
outrage, nobody interfered.  Finding it impossible to carry out their
designs, the flannel coat young man again drove away, deserting Mark
Twain and leaving him to bear the burden of all the suspicions of the
passers-by.  You would have laughed, though, to see what a dance that
woman led Mark Twain through, stopping and turning and compelling him to
do the same, while passers-by looked on amazed at the scene.

Just as the story was being told, one of the other local men strolled
into the room and, after listening a while to the narrative, interrupted
by saying:  “See here,  

What Kid of a Yarn 

are you spinning?  Know anything about it?  Why, of course I do, just
saw the woman down at the Toombs.  Poor, crazy girl; tried to commit
suicide; done it, too, if it hadn't been for Mark Twain and another
fellar; forget his name.  They saw her near the river just after she had
been pulled out from one attempt to drown herself.  They were afraid she
would try it again and so followed her and stuck to her like grim death,
till they found a policeman.  T'other fellow hunted half over the Back
bay district for a police officer, taking a carriage at that.  They
couldn't get her into the carriage until they finally found an officer
who took her in charge, after Twain and t'other fellow had agreed to go
to the police station and vouch for the facts.  Don't believe Twain or
t'other fellow will roam round hunting up crazy women to save after
this.  'Other fellow look like Cable?” did you say. 'Well, I never saw
him, but he was rather short.”

It seems, therefore, that Mr. Clemens and his companion are to be
complimented for an act of humanity rather than any intent upon human
life, and it is evident that the statements made by bell boys must be
taken with a due allowance for the influence of the sensational
journalism of the day.

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