Everyone seems to have forgotten that the Oil for Food Program was started because as many as 350,000 Iraqi children died as a result of the original sanctions regime imposed by the Bush administration through the U.N. after the Gulf War. As bad as the Oil for Food Program scandal is, it pales in comparison with what the U.S. and U.N. did before it was started. For a discussion of the various estimates of Iraqi deaths caused by the sanctions, see: A Hard Look at Iraq Sanctions http://www.thenation.com/doc.mhtml?i011203&s=cortright Twain would not have approved of the U.S. military's actions in Iraq, but he probably would have blamed them on Frederick Funston's continuing influence. The Bush administration studied the invasion and colonization of the Philippines while preparing to invade Iraq so it is not surprising to see Funston's influence today. In 1902, Twain wrote: "Funston's example has bred many imitators, and many ghastly additions to our history: the torturing of Filipinos by the awful 'water- cure,' for instance, to make them confess -- what? Truth? Or lies? How can one know which it is they are telling? For under unendurable pain a man confesses anything that is required of him, true or false, and his evidence is worthless. Yet upon such evidence American officers have actually -- but you know about those atrocities which the War Office has been hiding a year or two; and about General Smith's now world-celebrated order of massacre -- thus summarized by the press from Major Waller's testimony: "'Kill and burn -- this is no time to take prisoners -- the more you kill and burn, the better -- Kill all above the age of ten -- make Samar a howling wilderness!' "You see what Funston's example has produced, just in this little while -- even before he produced the example." Due to Funston's continuing influence, we have seen systematic use of torture in prisons throughout Iraq, Afghanistan, and at Guantanamo, and an almost identical order given before the invasion of Falluja. Instead of "Kill all above the age of ten," U.S. soldiers were ordered to shoot all males between the ages of 15 and 50, whether or not they were armed. Twain would undoubtedly condemn these results of Funston's example. On the other hand, I have to think Mark Twain would appreciate George Bush's elevation of the hoax to the realm of international diplomacy, and the continuing support the president has given to the tall tale by appointing Condoleezza "Mushroom Cloud" Rice Secretary of State. Now that he is retiring, Colin Powell should certainly be considered for the next Mark Twain Award for his February 2003 performance before the United Nations. It was nothing but "A Bloody Masscre Near Carson" writ large, and it fooled everyone just as thoroughly as if Mark Twain had written it himself. As to Bush's lies, Mark Twain said, "There are 869 different forms of lying, but only one of them has been squarely forbidden. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor." George Bush knows his Bible, and he seems to have carefully avoided that one form of lying. Even Bush's seemingly indefensible decision not to take any action against terrorism until after 9/11 appears to be supported by Mark Twain's advice, "Do not put off till tomorrow what can be put off till day-after-tomorrow just as well." Twain might have been joking, but can we blame the president for taking him seriously? Even during his lifetime, people had trouble telling if Mark Twain was joking or serious. I'm sure it was that quandary, not partisan considerations, that kept the 9/11 Commission from blaming the Bush administration for not trying to prevent the terrorist attacks even after they were warned about them that summer. One of the first things the Bush administration did after taking office was to honor Mark Twain as the "first American writer." At first it seemed to be Laura Bush's pet project, but almost four years later we can see that George Bush learned a great deal by reading Mark Twain. During the campaign, though, it was John Kerry who put forward the Tom Sawyer approach to Iraq. The fence painting episode in that book is the key to an effective multilateral foreign policy that gets other nations to share the burdens. Kerry would have won if only he'd avoided talking about a "global test" and said straight-out that it was what Tom Sawyer would do. Jim Zwick