THE NEW, REVISED STORY OF THE BAD LITTLE BOY Well, we all have invested much in defending Huckleberry Finn. But times are changin' & S.C. will be in deeper dutch. Other dangers await P.C. opinion. Fer example, when a six-year old needs a lawyer for pecking a girl on the cheek you know boys like our friend Tom Sawyer will be targeted by P.C. elite. I have visions of schoolboy pranks being denounced on public tv & all the whitewash on St. Pete's fences won't M. Twain's sins unbury. I see pink papers at the MLA finding symbols in Tom Sawyer's cave. After all, Tom led Becky astray in a 19th century glass ceiling way. I can hear the fire of neo-Aunt Polly's ire saying Tom strung Becky along. & when the string ran out, there is no doubt little Tom was wrong for allowing his candle to fizzle prematurely. Mr. Dobbin's anatomy book, of course precurssed nude bodies on the internet uncouth. Ah, Mr. Twain takes us right to the source of misguided acceptance of youth. So how can a boy be blamed for the sin of affectionating a girl when the origins of his chauvinism begin written by a masculine churl. So gird up your loins, my brothers & sons and prepare for learned defense of a boy & his heirs who will soon be known for whitewashing a phallic fence. (Moral: N'er be tempted by half-eaten apples whether offered by woman or man. Trust no one under 30--under 10 they have no scruples, we've fallen from Grace again. & she's P.C. P.O.'d 'bout it too.) --Burma Shave