Mark--

To many people in the majority in the United States, racism is a
meta-reality; to a significant number of others it's a plain old reality.
All of the examples you cited are fascinating instances of insensitivity or
coping, but they don't come close to being the same kind of thing as racism.
I objected to the use of the term "white enough" for the same reason I would
object to someone using the term "nigger" as a value judgment.

In order, blond jokes single out a group that enjoys a relative privilege
based on perceived beauty; the joke about dyslexic agnotic insomniacs is not
about a group or groups who have been systematically discriminated against--
indeed this joke is a linguistic joke and has nothing to do with religion,
though I'm guessing some fundamentalists might take offense anyway; and
last, your point about how people use humor as a way to deal with
heartbreaking loss is an interesting one, but has nothing at all to do with
the topic.

Those who employ a racialized term like "white enough" may think they're
using an innocuous term--a simple word game to you--but it contains an
implication that devalues those who aren't "honored" by having been born
white.

I imagine others may have more pithy remarks on this topic, but I'm simply
asking that we be concerned and thoughtful about the language we use,
whether as game or in serious discourse.  It doesn't seem too much to ask of
a group who come together to think about someone who was a master of
language.

Please accept my best regards for you and your family; I know the toll that
chronic, degenerative disease can take.  I also know that the humor that
caregivers and sometimes the patients themselves may find in their
conditions is not at the expense of those afflicted with the disease.

--LH