Being a professional software engineer (my academic background [MS 
Computer Science] is likely a bit different than yours :-) ), I just had 
to cook up something Twain wise. I wrote a small program that randomly 
selects a quote from a file. I then set up my computer to run this 
program automatically every 10 minutes. Lastly my mailer then uses this 
quote as my signature - as seen below. Anyway, attached is the program 
source (I wouldn't send the binary because you may (should) have virus 
concerns). Perhaps you or a computer savvy friend could set this up on 
your computer.

The quotes file is a simple text file with each quote separated by a 
blank line like:

    Yesterday Mr. Hall wrote that the printer's proof-reader was improving
    my punctuation for me, & I telegraphed orders to have him shot without
    giving him time to pray.

    Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness,
    and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts.

I can send the quotes file that I use if there is interest. I can't 
include it here due to the 400 line message limit.

regards/Tony

-- 

A robber is much more high-toned than what a pirate is- as a
general thing. In most countries they're awful high up in
the nobility- dukes and such.

Mark Twain





#include <sys/stat.h>
#include <stdio.h>
#include <time.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
#include <string.h>

char src_file[] = "/home/averhuls/twain/quotes";

main(argc, argv)
int argc;
char **argv;
{
  int i, j, len, num_entries, index, blank_lines;
  struct stat stat_buf;
  char *buffer;
  char line[128];
  int entry_index_array[200];
  time_t tloc;
  FILE *fp;

  /*
   * Open the file containing the quotes.
   */
  if ((fp = fopen(src_file, "r")) == (FILE *) 0)
  {
    char buf[40];
    sprintf(buf, "can't open %s\n", src_file);
    perror(buf);
    exit(1);
  }

  /*
   * Get the size of the quotes file and allocate space for it.
   */
  if (stat(src_file, &stat_buf) == -1)
  {
    perror("fstat");
    exit(1);
  }

  buffer = (char *) malloc(stat_buf.st_size);

  /*
   * Find number of entries in src_file and build the 
   * entry_index_array.
   */
  i = 0;
  num_entries = 1;
  while (fgets(line, 128,fp))
  {
    len = strlen(line);
    strncpy(&buffer[i], line, len);
    i += len;
    buffer[i-1] = 0;  // terminate the line
    if (line[0] == '\n')
    {
      num_entries++;
      entry_index_array[num_entries] = i;
    }
  }
  fclose(fp);

  /*
   * If an output file name is specified, open it.
   */
  if (argc > 1)
  {
    if ((fp = fopen(argv[1], "w+")) == (FILE *)0)
    {
      printf("can't open %s\n", argv[1]);
      perror("");
      exit(1);
    }

    if (strcmp(argv[1], "/etc/motd") == 0)
    {
      blank_lines = 9;
    }
    else
    {
      blank_lines = 1;
    }
  }
  else
  {
    fp = stdout;
    blank_lines = 1;
  }

  /*
   * Find entry to generate.
   */
  time(&tloc);
  srand(tloc);
  index = rand() % num_entries;
	
  /*
   * Index into buffer for the chosen (pseudo random) quote
   */
  i = entry_index_array[index];

  /*
   * Write output.
   */
  for (j = 0; j < blank_lines; j++)
  {
    fputs("\n", fp);
  }

  /* write until we get to a blank line */
  while (buffer[i] != '\0')
  {
    fputs(&buffer[i], fp); 
    fputs("\n", fp); 
    i += strlen(&buffer[i]) + 1; // skip past line terminator
  }

  fputs("\nMark Twain\n", fp);
	
  for (j = 0; j < blank_lines; j++)
  {
    fputs("\n", fp);
  }
	
  free(buffer);
  fclose(fp);
}