Everyone seems to have forgotten that the Oil for Food Program was
started because as many as 350,000 Iraqi children died as a result of
the original sanctions regime imposed by the Bush administration
through the U.N. after the Gulf War.  As bad as the Oil for Food
Program scandal is, it pales in comparison with what the U.S. and
U.N. did before it was started.  For a discussion of the various
estimates of Iraqi deaths caused by the sanctions, see:

A Hard Look at Iraq Sanctions
http://www.thenation.com/doc.mhtml?i011203&s=cortright

Twain would not have approved of the U.S. military's actions in Iraq,
but he probably would have blamed them on Frederick Funston's
continuing influence.  The Bush administration studied the invasion
and colonization of the Philippines while preparing to invade Iraq so it
is not surprising to see Funston's influence today.  In 1902, Twain
wrote:

"Funston's example has bred many imitators, and many ghastly
additions to our history: the torturing of Filipinos by the awful 'water-
cure,' for instance, to make them confess -- what? Truth? Or lies?
How can one know which it is they are telling? For under unendurable
pain a man confesses anything that is required of him, true or false,
and his evidence is worthless. Yet upon such evidence American
officers have actually -- but you know about those atrocities which the
War Office has been hiding a year or two; and about General Smith's
now world-celebrated order of massacre -- thus summarized by the
press from Major Waller's testimony:

"'Kill and burn -- this is no time to take prisoners -- the more you kill
and burn, the better -- Kill all above the age of ten -- make Samar a
howling wilderness!'

"You see what Funston's example has produced, just in this little while
-- even before he produced the example."

Due to Funston's continuing influence, we have seen systematic use
of torture in prisons throughout Iraq, Afghanistan, and at
Guantanamo, and an almost identical order given before the invasion
of Falluja.  Instead of "Kill all above the age of ten," U.S. soldiers were
ordered to shoot all males between the ages of 15 and 50, whether or
not they were armed.  Twain would undoubtedly condemn these
results of Funston's example.

On the other hand, I have to think Mark Twain would appreciate
George Bush's elevation of the hoax to the realm of international
diplomacy, and the continuing support the president has given to the
tall tale by appointing Condoleezza "Mushroom Cloud" Rice Secretary
of State.   Now that he is retiring, Colin Powell should certainly be
considered for the next Mark Twain Award for his February 2003
performance before the United Nations.  It was nothing but "A Bloody
Masscre Near Carson" writ large, and it fooled everyone just as
thoroughly as if Mark Twain had written it himself.

As to Bush's lies, Mark Twain said, "There are 869 different forms of
lying, but only one of them has been squarely forbidden. Thou shalt
not bear false witness against thy neighbor."  George Bush knows his
Bible, and he seems to have carefully avoided that one form of lying.

Even Bush's seemingly indefensible decision not to take any action
against terrorism until after 9/11 appears to be supported by Mark
Twain's advice, "Do not put off till tomorrow what can be put off till
day-after-tomorrow just as well."  Twain might have been joking, but
can we blame the president for taking him seriously?  Even during his
lifetime, people had trouble telling if Mark Twain was joking or
serious.  I'm sure it was that quandary, not partisan considerations,
that kept the 9/11 Commission from blaming the Bush administration
for not trying to prevent the terrorist attacks even after they were
warned about them that summer.

One of the first things the Bush administration did after taking office
was to honor Mark Twain as the "first American writer."  At first it
seemed to be Laura Bush's pet project, but almost four years later we
can see that George Bush learned a great deal by reading Mark
Twain.  During the campaign, though, it was John Kerry who put
forward the Tom Sawyer approach to Iraq.  The fence painting
episode in that book is the key to an effective multilateral foreign
policy that gets other nations to share the burdens.  Kerry would have
won if only he'd avoided talking about a "global test" and said
straight-out that it was what Tom Sawyer would do.

Jim Zwick