Dear potential friend
I am sending you this email because I have a message to spread. I am not
trying to sell you something.

I am a clinical psychologist, and for many years I have seen that a few
simple things help my patients a lot.
I like to do good,  so I would like to share this with you.

HOW TO HAVE A HAPPY MARRIAGE.
When couples come to me for therapy, they are often quite close to
divorce. They quarrel in front of me, and I can almost see the hatred and
hurt feelings between them.

I give them 3 simple commandments to follow:

1. DON’T CRITICIZE
Almost everybody think that they can change their partner by pointing out
his or her faults. But when I ask them to think back  and see how many
times they have really had a change for the positive from criticising,
most of them cannot find anything.

The only thing they find as results of critical remarks are bad feelings and
quarrels. So stop criticising. It is a waste of breath. And it is worse, it
breaks down your relationship.

Many patients are a bit frustrated when I tell them this. They say: “but
he/she does so many stupid things, I have to try to make him change!”
I say: Yes, you can change him, and I am going to tell you how:

2. LOOK FOR WHATEVER POSITIVE YOU CAN FIND IN YOUR
PARTNER AND TELL HIM/HER.
Your partner has something that you still like. You just have to look for
it. If you praise for small positive acts, they will grow in number and
finally outgrow the bad acts. And your partner will feel good.

When you see that your partner feels good, that makes you feel good etc.
You have created a positive spiral instead of a negative spiral that you
would have created with criticising.
One woman had tried to make her husband clean up in the kitchen after
dinner for 10 years, with criticism. Often this had started small quarrels
with the husband blaming her for not being too orderly herself. One day
she told him: “You clean up in the kitchen so much better and faster than
me, can’t you do it today?”
He felt so flattered that he cleaned up, and continued to do so almost
every day. One positive sentence had done what she couldn’t do with
1000 negative ones.

You just have to use your imagination to find out how you can turn your
criticisms into something genuinely positive. You shouldn’t say things
you don’t mean!
A woman who was frustrated because her husband worked too much used
to blame her husband for not spending time with the children. This made
him feel bad and he hit back. She used her imagination and just changed
the way she said it, focusing on the positive. She said: “You are such a
good father, and I can see how the children love it when you are with
them, can you play a bit with them today?”. He felt so good that he played
with them, and felt very happy.

3 IF YOUR PARTNER CRITICIZES YOU, DON’T HIT BACK.
Quarrels start like this. One criticises, and the other hits back. If you
don’t hit back, the criticising words will echo in the mind of the
criticiser, and he/she may feel that it maybe is not true. At least there will
be no fight. You need two to fight.
The last commandment should be used with care. Some people get even
more upset if the other just shuts up. If this is your case, don’t do it.
But for most couples, following this rule (it is not easy) can avoid 90%
of all small quarrels and greatly improve your life quality.

HOW TO AVOID DEPRESSION
I work in a research project in addition to giving therapy, and we do
research on depression. Depression is the most common psychological
problem people can get, and it carries with it a lot of suffering, not only
for the person, but also for people around.
So if you learn how to keep away from depression and to help others who
are depressed, your life quality will increase greatly. It may even save
lives.
The solution is very simple:

Negative leads to negative, positive leads to positive. That means: your
negative thoughts lead to negative feelings that again lead to negative
thoughts.

On the contrary positive thoughts lead to positive feelings. Extremely
simple, you might say. Yes, it is.
But you need a technique to really put it into practice:
When you start feeling sad, it is because you have thought something
negative. This negative thought can have gone so fast through your head
that you haven’t noticed it.
It may be a so-called  automatic thought, one that you make often. For
instance it could be “ Nobody likes me”, “There is no hope for me”, “ I
will never be happy”, etc.

Try to look back to find the negative thought, and write it down on a piece
of paper. Next to it write down anything that can be used against this
thought. As if it was a statement in court that you had to prove was false.
This could be: ”My mother likes me”, “John seems to like being around
me quite often”, “nobody can be liked by everybody”.

Try to get at least 5 positives against each negative.
Don’t start on the second negative before you have “killed” the first one.
It is important to write it down in the beginning, the first 3 weeks. When
you are really sad, it is difficult to think clearly. Using a pen and paper
will help you just like it is easier to do calculations on paper than in your
head.

Use this negative-positive technique every time you feel sad, and you will
be able to avoid depressions all your life, even in very tough situations.

Many psychologists see more and more clearly that negative attracts
negative and positive really attracts positive. Fill your mind with positive
things, and you will be happy. You subconscious will amplify whatever
you keep in your conscious mind!


BEREAVEMENT AND FEAR OF DEATH
Most people are afraid of dying, and most people will loose people close
to them.
BUT THERE IS NO REASON TO BE AFRAID OF DEATH ANY MORE!
In 1975 Raymond Moody started studying Near Death Experiences. He
studied the  experiences of people who had been dead for some minutes,
e.g. though drowning, but that had been revived again by people who knew
how to give first aid or by doctors in emergency rooms.

They all saw the same thing.

Now with further research, we know that one person in 20 has had an
experience like this because he or she has been close to death.
When you die, you will first slip out of your body. You can see down on
people trying to save your life. Many people can report in perfect
medical detail what the doctors did to them, and what the could see from
a perspective close to the ceiling. At the time they were seeing this,
many of them were totally brain dead, no electrical activity in their brain
was registered on the  EEG machine.
After having looked at this for a while, you will go through a tunnel
towards a bright fantastic light. You will be able to feel how good the
light is even before you enter it.
The moment you enter it, you feel that it is so good that you never want
to return to earth. It is light and pure love at the same time. You will meet
relatives and friends that have died before you. They will be well, and free
from sickness and problems they may have had on earth.

Women often meet their stillborn babies or babies that they lost in
miscarriages. Now these babies have grown into young adults.

 And they will welcome you with warm loving feelings. The surroundings
are incredibly beautiful and pleasing, often beautiful meadows with trees
and magnificent flowers.
Finally you will meet somebody you know is God. And you can feel how
he loves you, completely unconditionally. He will embrace you and make
you feel loved like you have never been loved before.

You will get a review of your life where you will see every small action
that you have ever done, good or bad, and you will FEEL the feelings of
the others you did it to.

If you have hurt your mother, you will feel her pain. If you hugged your
son, you will feel how happy he became. So you will reap what you have
sown. You will get back what you gave.  No more, no less.

And this makes sense. If God loves us like we love our children, he will
not have a cut off point and  send some of us to hell and keep some  in
his arms. Where should the cut-off point be anyway? 50% good, 75%
good. No, it doesn’t make sense. But is would be perfect justice to get
back exactly whet you gave.

Bad criminals come to God and feel his warm embrace just as well as
“good” people. But the life review often makes the criminals realise how
much damage they have done, and they come back to life changed.

God only asks us one question: “HAVE YOU LOVED”

So many people have witnessed heaven now, that there is really no doubt
any more. Being a researcher, I know that we take things that are much
less documented for scientific truth. Specially impressive from a
scientific point of view is the detailed descriptions of what happens in
the emergency room and even waiting room, if the person has drifted
through the walls and heard relatives talk about them.

Another line of research confirms these reports from heaven. When
someone has died, the person is often able to contact someone close. A
grandfather appeared in a vision and told his granddaughter where he had
hidden all his money. Most just come back briefly to reassure the
mourning ones that they are OK.

This experience of seeing, hearing or feeling the presence of a dead
relative is even more common than Near Death Experience. Often the
ones who appear bring the message of a heaven full of love, a heaven for
everybody, with no pain and sorrow.
Even people who commit suicide come there, but often they have to wait
until it is their time in a kind of school.

One very long and deep NDE was experienced by Betty Eadie. And she
gave me the  answer to a problem that has bothered me all my life:
Why do good people suffer so much and the bad ones often go free?
She asked God about this, and he showed her that we choose our
problems our selves, to grow. Just like our muscles grow with hard
exercise, so will our souls grow with challenges on earth.

So very mature and advanced souls choose hard lives, often as
handicapped or retarded children.
That changed everything. Now I understand why God doesn’t take away
some of my problems when I pray. He loves me more than a father who
knows that his son has to fall a few times in order to learn how to walk.  I
have chosen myself to got through these problems, and like my son
sometimes says to me, I have said to God: “No, don’t help me, I want to
do it myself”

I hope this has been of help. Please copy this and send it to as many as
you can. If everyone copies it to 10 friends, the same day they receive it,
we will cover the Internet entirely in 8 days.
So please copy it to at least 10 friends. You will change their life for the
better: better relationships, better mood and no more fear of death.

If you feel that this has helped you, please feel free to send me
something to let me know, an email telling me how it helped or
something like that.

I have a dream that one day if I become rich, I will build homes for
abandoned Children built on the pattern of SOS Children Villages. I
worked as a psychologist in the SOS village in Mauritius for 3 years, and
I believe that SOS is a very good model . But I think it can be made even
better by having houses for the abandoned children integrated in the
community with one woman working as mother of only  3-4 children,
living a normal family life. This is one of my dreams. If you would like to
thank me for this message , you can send me a donation that I can use for
these abandoned children. If everyone who feels that this message has
given some hope send $5, The project will be a reality in no time.
If you have a good project yourself, put your name on the email  next to
mine and make them send money to you instead.

Of course you can print this and send it in a letter to anyone you want,
then maybe we can cover the world in a few moths!

I hope I have given you something, and I hope you will put it in practice.
Please send a copy of this to at least 10 others now, today, so you don’t
forget. I am counting on you to spread the message. If everyone sends to
10 the same day, we will cover 10 000 000 in a week, and 100 000 000
on the eight day. Fantastic, isn’t it

Good luck!

Kjetil Mellingen
75 C. Antelme St.
Quatre Bornes
Mauritius

email: [log in to unmask]

PS: in case you want to read more about these things:

Depression treatment:
FEELING GOOD  by David Burns

On NDE
THE LIGHT BEYOND  by Raymond Moody
EMBRACED BY THE LIGHT by Betty J. Eadie

On After Death Communication
HELLO FROM HEAVEN by Guggenheim and Guggenheim

Best regards,


Kjetil