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"B.A. van der Wel" <[log in to unmask]>
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Mark Twain Forum <[log in to unmask]>
Fri, 9 Jun 2006 20:24:14 -0700
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Greetings All:

I write to respond to the recent posts and also to introduce myself a
bit as I am new to the list.

First, if anyone would understand Anne Coulter (hereinafter referred to
as 'A-Cou' because writing her name is the fourth leading cause of
dyspepsia among mammals) it would be Mark Twain. I can well imagine him
smiling, only very slightly of course, under his mustache and noting
that yet another improvident and mentally impoverished huckster had
come forward, spewing half-turned invectives, in order to sell some
books, to make a lowly yet famous name for herself. Twain would likely
note that she'd obviously  been born to be a small-fortuned-no-account
that would otherwise be engaged in endless monologues perched, none too
daintily, on the cracked vinyl of a well-worn bar stool in some
nameless, dreary establishment that would rapidly be emptying of any
other patrons.

Mr. Twain would have understood A-Cou very well and probably not
deigned to notice her at all in any public way. Those that have noted
the "media" all a-gog over her barfly pronouncements would do well to
recall the unpleasant fact that dread publisher, terror-alert network
and gory newspaper are all basically owned by the same folks that want
to also make a buck off of A-Cou's tepid sensationalism. They're all in
it together, turning upside down the lowest common denominators and
shaking all the change out of their pockets.

A-Cou certainly affronts anyone with memory, dignity or imagination by
drawing any comparisons between the august Twain and her disgust self.

However, it all gives me a small delighted cause wonder something -
would Twain be able to have resisted such a ripe target, one that when
taken down, would do not only the nation a high service but also raise
the intelligence and dignity of the whole planet in the process? If my
memory serves me this evening, I seem to recall him writing a rather
cuss-laced letter to an editor and signing it William Dean Howells. I
can well imagine him taking the time to at least anonymously pamphlet
this A-Cou over with a couple of pages of self-leveling prose fired off
with a decent dose of fulminating cotton. Or perhaps Mr. Blab or even
good-natured Josh would have made an appearance. (Blab would be too
high a caliber to shoot such a small thing, so perhaps Josh would be
more appropriate with his slingshot.) I can also well imagine a nice
wood-cut print of A-Cou, with perhaps a dull reptilian face, headed for
the apparition of light over the black lake she's already running full
speed toward.

Whatever the case or opinions may be, though, I'm glad to be here. My
name is B. Adrian van der Wel, I was graduated from Sarah Lawrence
College slightly over a decade ago with an M.F.A. and if my house were
to catch fire right now, I'd leave this email, grab my 29-volume set of
The Oxford Mark Twain, go outside and commence to read until the fire
was put out.

I hope to enjoy everyone's acquaintance, good company and look forward
to reading and learning more here. Until sooner I remain

Yours cordially,

B. Adrian van der Wel, who is often called Adi.